Why is it that living as a woman who takes care of herself, who tries to show up fully, and who elevates herself comes with a cost? Rubs People the wrong way?
Pretty hurts man.
Not the feeling cute, might delete later. I mean the kind of hurt that comes from a world that doesn’t always want you to shine. Imagine being told you should not show up as your best self or reach your full potential... that's so hurtful.
Sometimes people misunderstand confidence for arrogance. They see a woman standing tall, speaking her mind, setting boundaries, and they interpret it as her being “too much” or “uppity.” They put expectations on beauty, on ambition, and confidence as if fully being ourselves is somehow a threat. Our aura, our glow, or even the way we carry ourselves is enough to make some feel uncomfortable. And here’s the thing: that discomfort isn’t about us, it’s about them. Sometimes, your light reminds others of what they’re not claiming in their own lives. It reminds them of the effort they’re not putting in, the self-love they’re not practicing, and the standards they’ve lowered.
I said what I said.
You could be in a meeting, delivering brilliance, and someone will try to minimize it. You could walk into a room glowing, and someone will whisper behind your back. You could post your wins on social media, and suddenly you’re “showing off.” And the hardest part? Sometimes we start absorbing these projections. We internalize them and start questioning ourselves. We start dimming our light to make everyone else comfortable.
That’s why self-worth is non-negotiable and strong self-beliefs are mandatory. The second you leave your value up for debate, consciously or unconsciously, you make space for other people’s projections to define you, and trust me, they're never right. They do so not because they are malicious (although sometimes), but because who you are, your very presence, reminds them of what they’ve been avoiding in themselves.
So how do we survive pretty hurting without losing ourselves?
First, boundaries. Boundaries around your time, boundaries around your energy, your attention, your body, your life. Us women need to learn to say no without guilt. Long gone are the days of overextending ourselves or giving the benefit of the doubt more than once. Walk away without explanation and protect what is yours at all cost. They are betting on your guilt to make you feel less then. Never give them the satisfaction.
Second, self-reflection. Know your own worth girls. Celebrate your wins privately if you need to. Recognize that your growth, ambition, beauty, and power don’t need validation. The only approval that matters is your own.
Third, discernment. Pay attention to who is invited into your orbit. Some people pretend to be on your side to study you, to be a part of your momentum, to be able to say Hey! I know her! Some people will even try to clip your wings, intentionally or not. Learn to identify them early and distance yourself. Not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your life.
Fourth, self-love rituals. This one is major. Every girl needs her own little grounding routine. It could be journaling, meditation, skincare, a quiet cup of tea in the morning, or like me, walking around your apartment in a pair of your favourite heels. Do whatever reminds you of who you are and do it consistently. These small acts are an armor against a world that wants to tame you.
Here's another truth: Pretty was never the problem. Ambition was never the problem. Confidence was never the problem. The problem is letting someone else’s discomfort with your glow dictate your life. Pretty hurts, yes, but it doesn’t have to break you. When your self-worth is ironclad, their projections bounce right off. You remain untouchable and fully yourself.
And remember, when the world tries to humble you, never, under any circumstance, take it personally. Their anger and frustration towards you is a reaction to your power. It's the confusion and discomfort to your refusal to shrink manifested outwardly. And that discomfort you create in others? That’s a byproduct of knowing who you are and showing up fully as her. Instead of internalizing their unease, use it as a compass. A sign that you are doing something right. Use it as fuel to love yourself harder and to rise higher.
A woman who knows her worth is untouchable. And trust me, that kind of pretty is dangerous in the best way.
God bless you pretty ladiiiies,
Arlie x
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